Everybody say love: Why some Gays just can’t love!

Love, love within the gay community is pretty hard to come by. For most of us, it’s dodging the guy on Grindr sat opposite you in the coffee shop wondering if you’re a sub-bottom while you’re just trying to enjoy your damn Latte.

While the world moves around you, no matter the environment you’re in, you can open a dating app or even social media and be bombarded with sexually suggestive comments. I mean, if you’re on certain apps then it’s what you grow to expect and even if you pay them no attention it is the new normal.

The social media aspect has completely changed our community for the better and for the worse. The bars are still busy, but the fact you no longer need to go to your stereotypical gay bar to meet other Queers has changed the game.  Within a few clicks on social media or a dating app, you can find the person for you. Dates, Friends, Fun, Crazy cat ladies. I could go on. This is all brilliant and opens up so many opportunities for the LGBT people to join the conversation and build up the courage to step outside as themselves. Fab.

The other inevitable side to this, of – the course is isolation and loneliness. The online world for anyone can be daunting with all those Twitter trolls or one sarcastic or mean comment could ruin your day. People being able to do this anonymously leads to the likelihood of it happening to you at some point pretty high. But then again, you can own their ass right back and come back with some pretty sassy replies.

We can connect with other people on every corner of this earth, knowing that there are other people feeling the same way as you or going through the same struggle is a big help. It’s really reassuring knowing that no matter how awful your current situation is, you’re not alone and you don’t have to go through it alone. There is a big loving support network of people out there. Welcome to the bubble of misfits, where we all fit in!

So meeting a partner should be easy right?

That’s part of the problem it’s almost too easy. Being a young LGBT person, we have it easier than those that paved the way for us. Fifty years ago, when gay men had to risk being sent to prison for loving who their heart chose or giving in to an urge we all have, could quite literally, destroy your whole life. We definitely have it easier. Having said that, there is still a struggle for many within our community, across the globe which is why the power of how we connect and support one another, is paramount.


Although this little piece is about the difficulties the LGBT community face in the modern age, I am in no way discrediting or distracting from the real, and serious struggle older members of our community faced, and those we are still fighting for.

Whenever we see real romance between a couple in love, no matter the couple, a flicker of envy and happiness for those amazing people finding their way in life together.

So where are we going wrong?

Maybe it is Grindr and other apps or maybe it’s because we want a perfect version of love that we’ve always seen in the movies. But some of us just aren’t ready to stop hoeing it around and settle down, nothing wrong with that, just don’t cry into your Ben and Jerrys when all you BFFs have a man and you’re throwing your own pity party and watching Bridget Jones on repeat. So is Love just a case of ‘when you know, you’ll know’?

I think it’s time we all put our phones down and step out into the real world and take the risk of rejection, after all, if it doesn’t work out, you can go get Grindr and fill in the void in your life for an hour or two, right? It’ll make you feel better in that moment but not in the long run. So yeah, we need to go get heartbroken and gain some life experience and we’ll find ‘the one’ more naturally.

So keep your Twitter and your Facebook and interact and make new friends but don’t take it too seriously, go out and live and make some mistakes and maybe wake up with a couple too.

Words by Harry Joe Nettleton

 Boy Blue Web is a new opinion website brought to you by 21-year-old ex-Journalism student and Leeds resident Harry J Nettleton. Harry is passionate about the LGBT community, check out more of his blog, thoughts and opinions on life right HERE!