Shameless Grindr Shame?

Who’s digital dating?

Put your hands up if you are on a dating or hook-up site or app? My shameless hand is well and truly in the air, in fact it is that far up in the air it’s almost touching the big colourful gay rainbow in the sky.

I sit for hours flicking through endless profiles, chatting to people I have never met and 90% of them I will never meet. However, I find these apps so diverse and it’s a great way to talk to people you would never normally entertain.

You have every tribe you can think of on there, bears, twinks, daddies, jocks, geek’s leather lovers and so on. Everyone with a different unique personality, everyone looking for something different; whether that’s a date, Mr Right, hook ups, anon or even just someone to chat to.

A lot of people don’t use these apps such as Grindr, Tinder etc because they don’t agree with it which is fine, each to their own as they say. What really gets on my left tit is when people think it’s ok to shame other people for using them, that my dear is not ok!

I recently read an article online about a young gay lad who attempted to take his own life due to being shamed on Grindr. Yes, Grindr shaming is an actual thing and I think it’s appalling, it is the gay equivalent of slut-shaming a woman.

The LGBT community goes on about prejudice and bullying but they themselves are doing exactly that! If you saw a fat lass in the street would you fat shame her and shout “Oi fatty, you ate all the pies!”.

If you saw someone with a physical handicap or disfigurement would you yell “Are you the elephant man?”. The answer to all the above questions should be no! Of course, you wouldn’t because being part of the LGBT community is meant to be exactly that. A community, a community made up of different people, of all ethnicities, all body types, all genders (some who aren’t even defined by a gender) and all personalities.

Did you know 18% of Grindr users are still in the closet? They use Grindr as an outlet to talk to other like-minded individuals, we should be embracing them not scaring them away with the thought that some bitchy little queen is going to see them on there and tell the world their business.

Shameless Grindr

Recently someone said to me with a look of shock and disbelief on their face “I can’t believe you have the same profile picture on your Grindr account as you do on your Facebook account”. My answer to that after I had burst out in fits of laughter was “Why? I’m the exact same person on Grindr as I am on Facebook. They then told me they don’t actually have a picture on Grindr even though they are openly gay because they don’t want people to know they are on there. This person is single and doing no harm yet he feels ashamed to be on the app because he is looking for a bit of sexy time.

Why would anyone be ashamed of getting a bit of nooky? Sex is the most natural thing in the world. There isn’t one living being on earth who doesn’t enjoy a good coitus (thanks, Sheldon Cooper for teaching me that word) session and if they say they don’t enjoy it, they are either lying or just not doing it right. I do not feel ashamed for being who I am and neither should you.

People shaming someone for anything they do or are, are being bullies. It’s you, turning into the one thing you claim to despise. Remember the bully at school who shouted gay boy or puffter to you down the corridor that’s you now! Remember the other weekend when you were shopping and flouncing around top shop getting giddy about the sales and that group of lads sniggered at you, well that’s you now. Remember when you used to have MSN messenger and that one kid sent you abusive messages, “Hey bum boy” “Hey faggot”. Well, now you are one of them, it is you that is shameless!

You may not be physically walking up to someone and punching them straight in the face but it is just as bad if not worse. It is a proven fact that 71% of suicides that are caused by bullying are because of verbal rather than physical bullying. If you are shaming someone for being who they are and doing exactly what they want then you should be ashamed of yourself!

By Gay Yorkshire’s Lee Mears.